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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

after all these years...

how i tried to change for you. how i failed and felt so guilty bout it. and then i realised that you've changed into what i was trying to change out of. and you tried so hard to change into what i was trying to change into. and you tried so hard to change me into who you are. i can't. and we're back where we started. we'll never cross paths because at the crossroads, we each turned into a different lane, away from each other. the more we walked, the more we're further apart. and perhaps the lanes might have a detour that brings us right back to the start. but our meeting will always be brief. only at the crossroads. and it has to be timely.

how it all looks so good now. of a time of innocence that we gave our hearts away. and it never came back to us. we had so much fun when we were young. and as we grow, we give all our dreams away to a belief. something that i can never quite comprehend. i can never quite grasp the truth and the light. and so i hesitated. and so i changed my mind and i'm back here again. but it is not to be. we have different beliefs.

so different we are to the world out there. yet deep in our hearts, we know, we're more similar than we dare to portray ourselves. we're so similar that if we openly declare our desires, we will fall into a state of confusion and illusion. and we need to be safe. so safe that we refuse to admit all that we think about. we just live our separate good lives and possibly in denial of better lives.

i will be far away from you for i don't want your influence. you will stay out of sight because you don't want my influence. it's like contamination. of good or of bad? we can't tell the difference. i can't. can you?

and after all these years, the dreams present themselves stronger, more vivid and yet more unreal. because you're no longer there. the places have changed. the tides have shifted and our beliefs have diffused and fused. we're no longer there.

and i spend most of my time trying not to think of you.
-cheryl
8:44 AM





Cheryl

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