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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

tonight,
all the sadness of the world
crumbled
melted
into tears
glistening in my eyes
falling fast
i can't get to sleep
i can't sleep

the conversation stung
it brought a dull pain to my heart
of a deep longing
a desire
an envy

chinese new years have never been the same again
have never been the same again
ever since the day you left me dear grandma

the sullen face staring back at me
in the mirror
mourning
for the loss of you
of you so dear
dearest to me

that very year
we couldn't celebrate
we wouldn't if we could
without you
i could never bring myself
to celebrate another new year
without you
that very year
you left us
me
you left me

if you only knew
how much you meant to me
if you only knew
how scrumptious every reunion dinner was
when we had you
if you only knew
how it felt to hold your hand
to sleep by your side
to watch you wash the dishes
cook those meals
to watch you pray and offer incense
to the gods you always told me about
you believed you'll someday win a prize
in the 4D lottery draw

the secrets we shared
about the stashes of gold you kept in pockets
which i had to tell grandpa when you left me
so that he wouldn't throw them out

the scallop porridge that you made for me
every single week
that i never had
never had the chance to thank you
the day you went away
nobody knew how to do it the way i like it
nobody knew but you

i secretly told myself
i would drive you around
and buy you a house
when i'm older
when i'm older

now i'm older
i'm learning to drive
and saving to buy a house
but you're no longer around
i would never drive you around
and you'll never be in my house

i miss you so much

and i wish chinese new years can be a little more festive
a little more real
cos since that year that we couldn't celebrate
chinese new year never felt the same again
it will never feel the same again

i'm sorry i got a little mad at you
i had a mind full of thoughts
and a heart pricked with pain

what is a wonderwall anyway?
could it be you?

will we meet again someday?
will you still be my wonderwall?
-cheryl
1:36 AM





Cheryl

pretty faces