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Monday, September 10, 2007

i've straightened out my thoughts. it feels good. =D thank you A for listening and giving me your invaluable feedback and advice. it is always good to talk to the experienced. bu ting lao ren yan, chi kui zai yan qian. however, age is not a factor of maturity. i have learnt that well.

i feel so invigorated suddenly. i don't want to dread work. i took a positive approach this morning. i took a huge step forward and i asked and spoke to people. and it worked! i feel good. and i've alot on hand now. my agenda's filled. i'm happy. maybe i was born a workaholic. but i will only be with things that i love.

there's no right or wrong, i realised. there's no clear line. the line is blurred and i can never see it. so i shouldn't grope for it. i shouldn't hope for something that isn't there. i shouldn't have expectations that always disappoint me. i should not think so far away. A, you're right. today will not be the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be yet another story. i feel the same not because it is the same but because i refuse to accept. refuse to listen. refuse to accept the changes. it takes two hands to clap. and it takes four to play a beautiful duet. i've chosen yours. have you chosen mine?

things have changed, you're no longer the same but it is nothing out of ordinary. everything changes and we all have to change. though sometimes we feel as if we have changed so much when actually we haven't we are just acting through the changes. A is right again. life is a stage, which role would you choose to act? would you want to be me or would i want to be you? ren sheng ru xi, xi ru ren sheng. the chicken and egg story. chicken first or egg first? do we act like the movies or do movies portray us in its transparent explicit ways? it is a cycle. can't get over it? then get around it.

i don't want to feel that heavy tug in my heart anymore so i'm going to act on it. no action all talk is a waste of time and waste of feelings. action speaks louder than any word. so do something. i will do something.

i like the thunder clapping and the rain pelting while my fingers fly about the keyboard in an increasing tempo. and my favourites songs plugged into my ear. all the happy pleasant thoughts. what's the future like? i don't want to think about it. i don't want to hope and i don't want to dream. let today be forever. and let forever be today.

so i will be happy everyday. i don't want to feel sad. i don't want to be disappointed. i don't want to think about unnecessary issues. the issue on hand now is, to live today like how i want to live forever and to work towards a forever that i don't see. i don't visualize. i just work hard and strive for something better. something unknown but better. is that good enough?

yes, that is good enough for now.

i love you and because i do, i learn so much.

thankyouforlovingme(:
-cheryl
11:36 AM





Cheryl

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