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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

seriously, if there's nothing positive that you can say to me, i'll rather appreciate the silence though it can be deafening at times.

i'm born an optimist. and i don't understand why you're so unlike me because i came from you. in every single thing that i do or say, you'll definitely be able to find something negative about it. your skepticism, your criticisms, does nothing at all to help me. it only serves to puncture the swelling joy i had and wanted to share with you. many times, my boosted confidence over a good day or job well done is only to be dropped three notches by the sneers i get from you. why?

do they not realise? when i happily get home announcing how proud and happy i am to have earned my first decent pay and they go, ooohh, it's bound to be gone soon. don't ask me when you've depleted it. and you go to them bursting with joy that you've bought something for one of them from the sheer hard earned money that you've gotten and they go...you wanted it, not us, you better pay for it yourself, don't ask if you don't have enough.

does the word appreciation even exist in your dictionary? there's none. nothing. it's as good as saying..when you've gotten into trouble, that's your problem, don't look for us, we don't want to help you. i now know why there are so many rebellious kids and estranged families. so many unwed mothers who never sought help from their family. so many pent up frustrations in little minds that never quite reached their family and died with their premature deaths. now i know why there are friends i know who have begun to act strangely and are under medication for being a little wrong up in their minds.

there's so much from a little encouragement. why can't i have some?

if only you knew how hard i've fought for everything i have. you'll learn to appreciate the little achievements that mean the world to me but seem to mean little to you. if only you heard the unease in my voice, when i've spoken of the things i meant to say to you. but you never once did. if only you saw the things i've been through, when all i can do is pretend they all don't matter.

so you've had hopes that i'll become the perfect little girl. that i can use the talent i was blessed with to shine in the things you wanted me to? but you know what? i will shine in the things i want to do. not because of you. i've never ever been led by you and i never will. because to do big things, you sometimes have to forgo smaller things.

i'm sad because all through these 20 years of my life, i don't think you know me as well as most of my friends. i'm sad because i could pretend to be someone else in front of you and you never quite realised.

if there's nothing good that you can say, then maybe there's nothing good that i want to say too.
-cheryl
11:44 PM





Cheryl

pretty faces