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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

we're all victims of ourselves, while we easily forgive others, we are harsh on ourselves. there are many times we point our fingers out at the world. not because we blame them. but because we blame ourselves. and all we're trying to do, is to seek comfort in getting scapegoats. of whom willingly take the blame for us. just so we can all feel better.

i used to think contentment can easily be achieved. i used to be easily contented. complacent, even. but time has changed me. there is now a deep longing. i'm no longer contented with the minimum. i expect more. from myself. from the people around. is that a bad thing? i think i've had enough of being contented with the things that no one else would be. i now know what i want. and need.

we all have our own fears. some we never ever discover, well hidden, sealed. mine is so real. how do you stop yourself from fearing the things that have yet to happen or may not even happen? reassurances. we need these, all the time. but who's gonna be giving us that? the things that i've feared have failed me more than once or twice and i think it'll always cast a dark shadow on the walls of my heart.

of all the pangs deep within, i know there's someone out there. someone with the ability to fade them. someone who can read them better than i do. someone who'll hold it gingerly, tenderly. someone who will not toss it around and shake it up anymore than it already is. i know of someone out there. and i know that someday you'll make me feel like i'm at the top of the world. that we're at the top of the world, together. i believe i will feel this way, someday. and that someone is near. within grasp. there's no doubt. i know. do you?

it's really high time for a vacation. high up in the skies, where only clouds and more clouds roam. that's where i want to be. there's where i need to be. a foreign land. a different tongue. a taste for exotic. that's where i want to go. we'll go there. soon.

i've not been a good girl lately. i know. i will try harder to be.
-cheryl
9:43 AM





Cheryl

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