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Thursday, July 19, 2007

i'm just this close to breaking down.

too many thoughts. too many expectations. too many feelings swarming in my heart.

i'm not that good. i'm not that good at all. believe me.

sometimes i wish i never proved myself in any ways. sometimes i wish i didn't do anything well before. so that no one will expect anything from me. it's like when you do something good, it is well expected and when you fail, they sneer and go ohhh she's supposed to be good, what happened? this sucks. i hate to be good.

and yet i contradict myself by always striving. striving to be better. in this. in that. in everything. i want to be the best, if not i'd rather be nothing at all. who am i kidding? i've just showed the world what a confused irony i am. i don't even know why i'm so upset.

it's been too long. there's been too many things going on in my little head. and finally, finally i let it go. the tears i let them flow. it feels good. so good. i just don't want to stop.

but no, tomorrow's yet another day. life goes on. we have to go on. why. why can't i just lay down and cry a little longer. i don't want to be strong for now. i just want to be weakened. to fall on my knees and be shattered. for once.

and just as the tears stop to flow, it wells up again and i wish it'd not stop.

there are so many cares in this world.
but most of all, i care about you.
if there's nothing left in this world but you,
i know i will survive.
if i have everything else in this world but you,
i know i will die.

i was this close to breaking down,
but you brought me back up again...
-cheryl
11:06 PM





Cheryl

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