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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

at some point of time in our lives, we will all begin to sit and wonder about what life really is about and what we really want and need out of life. some people go out and get it, others sit back and watch things happen, and many more are too scared to try their best, they put one foot in and hang the other outside. know what happens? they lose their balance and fall flat on their faces. nobody's gonna help you keep your balance, because the struggle is internal, nobody will see it. and nobody's gonna help you, if you don't ask for help.

i'm far from being flawless and nobody will ever be, unless you're God, don't even try. perfectionists kill themselves trying to be perfect, because it's unattainable and if someone is ever perfect, i don't see any joy in joy and what else can make her laugh?

i've slowly grown to love myself more and i've come to accept myself more than i've ever before. always struggled with this identity, always struggled with the stereotypical roles of society, always struggled with the voices and looks from others. but then i realise, if i'd to struggle to be myself, then maybe i ain't being myself. now i've let loose, let go and learnt to float. no longer struggling, no longer drowning myself threading water. i'm now who i want to be, and i have who i need, the friends, the support. i've grown, slowly but surely. and this is the girl i've always been but never quite accepted. if you can't accept who you are, who else can accept you?

of course we all struggle with self-esteem and inferiority complexes at some point or other and i do, too. in fact, quite oftenly so. i always lament on how it's so unfair, that my sister herself has clear smooth skin whilst i struggle with the zits because of every little wonder food that i take. yet i came to realise that life's always unfair and i do have things that others don't have. but it breaks me up sometimes and i still struggle but i learnt to be a better person.

sometimes i still feel the need to break free. actually, all the time. i feel caged up, restrained and restless now. you know how some pets are meant to be caged and others have wings and are meant to fly? i think i'm ready to take off but i'm stuck. i've found my wings and i've found greater horizons, some place not everyone would like to be and would accept. but i've found it and i love it so some day i wish to fly away.

why let someone else dictate the life you want to live? why let society's view of righteousness paralyse you? why walk this life never knowing what it really feels to have even lived at all? i will not be all those and i will not let anyone who doesn't understand, dictate my life. i'm not wrong, i'm just different.

if i were to frame a picture up of you,
i wouldn't know which one to pick.
there are too many instances,
too many smiles,
too much laughter,
i'd just have to frame them all up.
-cheryl
10:33 PM





Cheryl

pretty faces