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Sunday, April 01, 2007

...funny how a love can feel so young as it ages, and yet another can feel so old in newborn...

been feeling lethargic and lazy lately. training sure doesn't feel the same anymore. nah, the passion's not dying, it's never gonna be, it's undying. just that maybe i need some space and motivation. and i know just what i need, hurhurhur.

i've been bored surfing blogs cos everyone seems to be mia, nobody's updating. or rather i've been surfing the same blogs the whole few days, that's why. explains how mundane life has become. i can't wait for batam and perth trips. oh the spice! and then it's back to mundane work. okay, maybe i'm gonna have a glam glam office with a nice neat table with a pc and lots of glam glam star gazing to do and lots of interesting whatever to do? maybe, just maybe it's not gonna be quite so bad.

i'm gonna pray so damn bloody hard that i'll get allowance, (doesn't matter if it's lower than it already is) even when i'm having my sip. then i can make big plans to save and make big plans to get things i've been dying to get for a loooonnnnng absolutely llooooonnnggg time but never quite saved enough to get. =D i can't wait! I NEED A NEW PHONE and myra & wani's new E65 is my new love. ahhhhh, loveee the red! (: i'm gonna get it, gonna get it in my hands, SOOOOON i swear. haha! okay lar, still maybe at the LEAST, 1.5 months away, not so soon. sighhhh.

yesterday i had a dream. it's hilarious and i swear i'll get killed by more than one person if it ever gets out. hahahaha! I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DREAMT SUCH A THING WITH SUCH A PERSON. OMGOOOOODNESSS! hahahaha. i ought to be shot!

i've learnt the hard way
to never let it get that far
because of you
i never strayed too far from the sidewalk
because of you
i learnt to stay on the safe side
so i won't get hurt

this song suddenly belted out loud on my itunes and i just like the chorus a whole lot. kind of a sadistic and self piteous song actually but it speaks alot of most of us in the darkest corners of our hearts, doncha think?

i watched a movie (freedom writers) this weekend, an intelligent movie. the kind that carries strong messages and explicit emotional content. i like. (: it's sometimes nice to watch serious movies and think about the lives of others instead of yourselves. and as i was slipping the tickets into where i saved all of them, i realised how many movie's i've already watched this year. more than all the other years put together! =D i never used to really appreciate and enjoy watching movies before until recently. somehow it just feels different. i like. (:

why, people and feelings change all the time, so much so that nothing amazes me anymore. i wonder if i'm immuned to all the changes in the world to deal with people and feelings cos the once would have been shocking discoveries have no effect on me anymore. it's a wonder what experience does to you. i hope i don't turn into an emotionless robot. or maybe i've learnt the art of blocking out emotions. "dang dang dang" (block block block), someone once said this to me. you can't fight it, block it. haha. sounds kind of corny but i could emphatise.

and some people say the most cheesy things. ahahahaha. the ah lian and the ah huay, they're so funny and they add sugar, spice and everything nice to my life. cos, HAHAHAHAHA, they're so plainly sweet and cute and arghhhs so in love damnit. =P you two, my gooodest frens, i wish you eternal bliss bliss ok? =D

i never seem to learn my lesson. or rather, i've learnt it, but i never mastered how to work my way around it. life always gets you wound up in the same kind of situations and shit, it's like a vicious cycle and the dumbest thing to do is the same thing. sometimes we all gotta learn how to just act oblivious and act adamant. yeah. act. life's a stage.

i feel sarcastic and mean today.

sometimes i wonder how it feels like, to play instead of being played. maybe people do that for self protection. maybe people do that because they're insecure. maybe people get thrilled by doing that. maybe people are just sick in the head. or maybe, it is really better that way. HAHA. ok i take that back. it is and will never be better. i stick to my principles ok. i'm just feeling mean today that's all.

if there are certain things that hurt/disturb you, do you:
1) fuck it and just get over it?
2) fuck around with it until you set it straight?
3) mull over it till it gets old and unworthy of hurt anymore?
or
4) mull over it forever?

i'd pick 1 if i could but usually 4 happens. does it happen to you too? i bet it does, to everyone. ahh, i'm just like everybody.

okay, i've ranted enough. bye.

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-cheryl
8:45 PM





Cheryl

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