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Saturday, March 03, 2007

Always said I would know
where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready
and strong enough,
But some times
I just felt I could give up.
But you came and
changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

everything changes. nothing stays the same. months ago things would have been different. people come along. people drift apart. things change people. circumstances change people. people change people. people change things and cirumstances. and when we pause and try to search for the same things that we always thought would be there, we realise things are no longer the same.

i hate losing my cool. i guess it has been brewing. all these while as i've stood by watching things move along, as i've wondered about the things said and done and seeing things change and move on. i guess i always knew that i'd never have gone along with you and now i finally see, how different we are, how we've always been so different and how much more different we are now. you may be someone i'd never let into my heart but you've been someone i've depended on and cared for in certain ways. you seemed young to me. and now you seem to be a complete stranger.

you may never have reached where you've wanted to in the past, but i've always wished for you to be become better, to have someone to care for you like you've cared for me. cos i knew as much as i cared for you, i could never care for you in the way you wanted and you would never go any further into my soul. i guess i've been disappointed. maybe i've held expectations in you that i should never have had. but i had, because i wanted you to deserve better. someone unlike me.

maybe i was selfish. to have thought you'd always be there. to have expected you to be the same even though i can't be that way to you. maybe my expectation of a friendship from you was different because you always treated me differently. but i guess people change all the time and my expectations would have to change as well. it didn't.

i guess at that point of time it hurt because you were the friends i thought i was closest to. maybe it was an overreaction but i guess that incident wasn't the main reason of my losing my cool. it probably accumulated over time. it was a trigger. a breaking point. a turning point that made me realise how things have changed. maybe you all have found a world of your own now and nobody else would have been able to break in anymore. it has so plainly spoken to me. how i'm no longer needed and how i and all the rest of us no longer stand in your world. the world you have built and sheltered in. we will never find our way back in again.

maybe my consolation would be that i'm not the only one who feels this way. but yet it particularly hits a sore spot in my heart, maybe i cared more than i thought i did. but now it's time to change with what changes. adapt and move on without certain things in life. i've had balloon friends. but i never thought you and you would be one of them. we're still great friends, no less. but the understanding, trust and mutual feeling has all been drained away. ever since i don't know when.

life is like that i guess. people change and people move on. people come and people go. some stay but they are never the same. some move on but they never ever change. i guess you are not the only one. i've changed too and i can feel it coming now.

sorry, just needed some space to talk to myself about certain issues in my life thus this long entry. doesn't matter if nobody understands this. on a lighter note, life has picked up and things have been looking good. there are certain things and certain someone that make me happy all the time. you know there are things in life that seem to be godsent. how the thought of a certain someone can make your heart so much lighter and the sound of her voice just makes even the worst day seem like the best. nevermind those other people who begin to change. cherish the things we all have now, we never know when they'll be gone. things change too quickly, too abruptly. we can never be prepared for them so just live the best out of everything.

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

=D i can't wait for you to come back!!
-cheryl
11:40 PM





Cheryl

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