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Friday, February 09, 2007

a weird kind of feeling suddenly entered my heart and i'm suddenly feeling vulnerable and small. i seem to feel all kinds of emotions and they come and go in a matter of minutes. i'm not sad, not happy. my heart's just swept with very strong emotions that i can't quite comprehend.

listening to some sad love songs and they make my heart wrench and then i think i'm sad but then in my mind there are flashes of things that make me glad and then i think i'm happy. but i'm neither. weird. but i kind of like this feeling. i suddenly feel very thoughtful, emotional yet still sane.

today i watched a particular scene on telly and it struck me how much we take forgranted, all that we have because we have never lost them before. the reunion of a father and his son. the forgiveness of a son towards his dad. and here we are, finding fault with everything our parents do for us, finding every reason to get irritated at them.

think about it, if they're to be gone tomorrow, what would you have done differently today? if there are things that we'd have done differently, then maybe we should all begin to ponder about how we're really cherishing our blessings or just throwing them aside. everyone dies someday. the worst thing is not knowing when it would happen. if someone important to you dies tomorrow, would you regret not doing what you've always put off doing?

sometimes we act as if we'll live forever and we forget to give thanks to our blessings. we forget about friends who slowly fade away in our lives. and we forget to look and see, hear and listen to the people most important to us. when we finally turn around, it could be that things have changed and we can never turn time around. and what if we finally turn around and realise those things are no longer around? would you have done things differently?

yesterday night i had a dream. of a special friend i used to look up to and adore. a bigger sister to me, someone whom i always tried to please, someone i wanted to be like. we parted ways and slowly drifted apart. i've always loved her so much as my close friend and sister, but i failed to maintain our friendship. i let her out of my life and i let her drift away from me. those long overdued meetings, those long overdued letters that i wrote but never sent. today we're almost strangers. and the dream yesterday made me sad. she was far away, waving at me and as i approached her, she ran away. she ran and ran and i chased and chased. when i finally caught up with her, i gave her a big bear hug and the tears just came. this long lost important friend that i failed to cherish. and i realised how deep inside my heart, this tinge of regret never went away. a friendship lost because we both failed to ignite the flames. the feeling so familiar when i saw her again in my faraway dreams. i guess things have changed and we've both changed and we'll no longer be like how we used to be.

jolene jie jie, as i've always addressed you. thank you for being there all those dark times. you shaped and moulded me as i held you up high as my example. a true sister you were, caring and sharing with me, the way life should be. thank you for all the love, care, concern, tears and fears that we used to share. you'll never see this, i'm sure. but a part of my heart will always be reserved for you, my best sister in the world.

some people come for a reason. they teach us something valuable. some people stay for a season, they leave an impression in our hearts. some people come and they stay forever. and maybe she came for a season for a reason and she came for that season that made her stay in my heart forever. thank you, da jie. with love.
-cheryl
10:42 PM





Cheryl

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