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Sunday, January 28, 2007

people. they come and go. all my life, i've had bubble friends. beautiful friendships that begun on a wonderful magic carpet ride and then ended with a burst. some of them drift away over small, unimportant reasons. others slip in and out unnoticed. bubbles are beautiful in their fullest glories but they sometimes burst without us knowing and the blower just keeps blowing new, fuller, brighter, nicer ones. bubble friends. i wonder how many of you will fall into this category.

emotions. what are they really about? do you think what you feel, or do you feel like what you think? how can you feel and think differently and ultimately only make one decision. what's right and what's wrong? the line is blurred and everything falls out of place. follow your heart, that's what they always say. and when all things fail, they'll tell you..you should have been smarter. ironical.

today kf told me she missed pesta sukan days. i miss them too. those days when schoolwork was much easier, life was more carefree and i haven't gotten myself in considerable amounts of emotional wreckage yet. she must have been a mistake. some half sweet kind of mistake that happened overnight but went away in a matter of countable days. it was fun while it lasted but the hurt and confusion it brought outlasted and outweighed all the good times. i was stupid once and i hope i won't ever be again. and i remember those early days, you were like a sweet sweet mystery, always so near yet so far away. i remember how it felt, the tremors in my heart. amazing how the feelings haven't changed.

it is easy to be selfish. to only think for yourself and neglect the feelings of others. and better still when you have people around who are selflessly indulging in your selfish happiness. but i never could take the easy way out. friends, they mean too much to me. there are times they let you down, times they push you away, times they act like bitches, but when you're down and out, they'll be there. no matter what. it's easy to be selfish, but i can't do it. friends, they light up my life.

and all those things that used to be easy to do, so easy to say, somehow gets trapped somewhere inside of me now. it is so easy to pledge your love to someone, only to destroy it the very next day. and it is so easy to make promises and realise you have to break it someday. and maybe it's all the insecurities of life that has made it unbearable to be easy on things now. sometimes i wonder how we can openly show our affections for the superficial friends that we have, but with those that mean the most, we look down and look away and silently mumble the words to ourselves.

it's easy to say i don't know and i don't care. but it's hard to say i know and i care. because saying i don't know and i don't care tells someone how much they don't mean to you. but saying i know and i care doesn't mean anything. such words are nothing without action.

i know you'd agree with all that i say and i'm glad you do. most people don't agree with my thoughts. they can't come to terms with my philosophy of love and life which i find weird. why believe in simple fairytale-like stories that will never happen in reality? life itself is complicated. love makes it even more so. and that's a fact of life. if you can't take pain, can't take hurt, don't even bother to start to love anyone. things that matter will always hurt at one point or another, thinking of everlasting happiness, bliss that never gets into rough patches are just wishful yearnings that will just hurt you even more in the end. and after all, obstacles are placed before us, to decide our lives. our decisions will path our lives. and obstacles that we overcome will make relationships and friendships stronger than ever. that's what i always believe in. seeing obstacles in a different light now.

a thought provoking day it is today. looking back, i've learnt alot. and alot of it has been put into practise today. sometimes we get too cautious, but that's only because we care too much. life is just so full of weird ups and downs, ain't it?

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-cheryl
9:06 PM





Cheryl

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