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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

if only i could find the right words to say
if only i had more guts than what i had today
i wish and wish and wish so bad

i'm sorry i lost my cool and got pissed. everyone just saw the fun in laughing and teasing. everyone just saw the smile that lit up my face. but no one ever knew, this shell inside holds a shuddering heart. inside of me, the feelings are all mixed up so bad, i'm so confused. and the louder my heart screams, the more i retreat and draw the line.

i'm scared. hell scared. i've lost alot of confidence. i feel inferior. i feel so small and young and stupid. maybe i shouldn't be comparing us this way. but i can't help it. i feel like screaming that i'm not a small kid and i'm not a little girl, why can't i have an equal chance?

why is it there everyone else doesn't believe much of it? crush? no, it isn't. too young? does age determine anything anyway? i don't know why everyone finds it funny. i just wish i could stop time sometimes.

i don't know why i feel so down. you were nice. and what j said was true. she's nice, but i'm afraid that she's too nice... what she said was right.

i know that you won't ever see this. but whatever happens, i don't wish for people around to be the cause of unhappiness. i don't wish for others to affect our friendship. if i could just stand back, watch you smile and live your life happy, i'll gladly stand aside, away from you.

and deep down inside, i wish there is something i could do, to touch your heart. i wish i knew the words to say. and i wish i was better than this.

it's the hardest, when you're serious.
-cheryl
11:17 PM





Cheryl

pretty faces