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Friday, December 22, 2006

don't complain about not having that pair of shoes,
think of the man with no feet.

there are times i feel like venting all my anger, those pent up frustrations just threaten to overpower my mind and body. these days i've been tested and tried too hard, too long. it's like the rubberband's about to be overstretched and will snap anytime.

i must have had some supernatural powers, to have come so far. but there were many things i failed to realise, until it has started to eat me away, bit by bit. even my health seems to have suffered gravely. it's with these things, that really gets on my nerve and makes me desperate. there are times i just sit there not knowing what to do and i just feel like crying.

it suddenly dawned on me today, that being good in some stuffs will never ever gain the favour of some people. your passion could cause others alot of grieve and un-support, but do i give up so easily? i don't think so. i've always been a fighter and i'm not about to lose that fighting spirit.

i guess it's up to me, how much i want to take. if i can endure it, i will. i will try not to make matters worse and i will resolve to obedience and keep my mouth shut and not spew things that would be ugly for now. it's gonna be tough. really really difficult. but i need alot of patience and i need to try my best. afterall the respect and obedience have to be there. sigh.

there are lots of things i'd love to chase after, but many such things are but dreams. they can't be fulfilled if i can't have the basic necessities that i need. half the time i worry about tomorrow's meals and i worry about whether i will be able to get through it all without ending up with a stomach flu. these are worries that shldn't bother me, but they're part of me now.

the better part of me realise this fact, that if i stop working hard now, my future would be as bleak as today. and my stomach will be as empty as today. it hit me so hard whilst walking home just now, that it got me so paranoid. i'm scared, of the fact that i may have to live in this regimented life, forever.

there are a million and one reasons to be happy everyday, but there could be just one single reason, that could make those smiles hard to come by, and those frown lines imprinted on our faces forever. it's so easy to let those rainbows of joy turn into clouds of sorrow.

you know, i've been fighting so hard and long, it's sometimes easier to give up. but i don't want to. i don't wanna end up with nothing. cos i know i'm worth more than that.

so it's back to square one yet again. life will be the same. but with a better outlook, maybe i'll cope better.

and there are times you feel so alone,
you face yourself and your innermost yearnings.
-cheryl
2:21 AM





Cheryl

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